anythings.org

After my hetero lifemate, Cate, tore this list of 50 Things Men Wish You [Silly Women!] Knew apart, I decided to take a whack at it myself.

5. If you’re truly interested in us, don’t play hard to get.

If you’re truly interested in us, don’t not call us three days after an amazing first date just to “play it cool”. It’s called cool for a reason: your inability to follow through with a promise no longer makes you hot. It makes you a dumb ass.

9. I’m hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.

Because making fun of the insecurities women have (which, by the way, are encouraged by society and men who buy into ads using sex to sell things. Axe, anyone?) is the best way to make her love you. I’m also very doubtful that your girlfriend is the only woman you’re attracted to.

11. Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.

12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain’t pretty.

Going to have to go with Cate on this one: if natural is sexier, can I stop shaving my pits, pubes, legs, etc? What about my mustache (if I had one)? Next time I have a zit the size of Mount Rushmore, I’ll embrace it naturally instead of covering it up.

13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.

18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?

I’m actually more concerned with how this harms men. Newflash: men do not want to have sex 24 hours, 7 days a week. There are times when they do not want to have sex. Shocking, I know, but true.

14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you’re nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.

BARK? Are you SERIOUS? I don’t think I have ever “barked” in my entire life. I am not a dog, I am a woman.

21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren’t looking for the truth anyway.

Because, clearly, no one in my life knows BETTER THAN A MAN what I really am looking for. Lying does not make me feel good. It makes me feel belittled and stupid. It also makes me think you’re an idiot who doesn’t have what it takes to dish out the truth.

23. You’re really bad at faking it.

We wouldn’t have to fake if you knew what you were doing. Did it ever occur to you we’re faking it just so the boredom will stop so we can go practice “looking natural”?

27. Err on the side of  hot; I love to show you off.

Because my greatest goal in life was to be a trophy. And I wasn’t aware that you could be “hot” with a unibrow and hairy armpits.

40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.

So can you. And the reason can’t be one of the following: breasts, cars, explosions, fight scenes, or sex.

43. Anytime you cook for us, we’re happy.

Anytime you cook for us, we’re happy. The same goes for laundry and other household chores.

47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.

Just as long as they’re his friends doing something manly (like drinking beer. Or maybe #31: Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.), it’s ok. But if they’re your guy friends, I guarantee instant jealousy.

50. Never say, “I know you better than you know yourself.” Nobody does.

Oh really? See #21.
I have one thing that I wish all men knew: stupid lists like this really do you no good and teach nothing to no one. No woman will “learn” for this list - and not just because it’s printed in Men’s Health (keyword - MEN’S), but because it’s a ludicrous piece of junk. By the way, this is completely heterosexist. Does this apply to gay men and the things they wish their partners knew? Doubtful. Women are not stupid, nor are we inadequate. We are just as intelligent as the next person and we don’t need a list of 50 things men wish we knew.